Apparently, the Shmuck-In-Chief (SIC) is in a snit again over something somebody said somewhere. Who, what, when, where, why? How the fuck should I know? I only know what I read on the incoming feeds and goddamn this is becoming monotonous.
The who: Spoiler alert, it’s Jay-Z; something he reported about the happiness of humans being primary to the quest for money. Answering an interviewer, Jay called-out the SIC for tagging several independent nations – formerly friendly countries – as “shitholes.” Doing his executive duty no doubt, SIC did his thing, grabbed his Twitterer, and courageously fought back. I imagine he said something like ‘Hey, can anyone out there not sitting on their fat ass, get me some numbers on blacks vis-à-vis employment? Seems to me their numbers have been stupendous under my reign; the greatest, the highest, the bestestest ever, ever,’ something to that end. That Jay-Z had gone on a hyperbolic rant, ending it by calling SIC a “superbug” – as in treatment-resistant virus - is worth noting. That the President again felt compelled to respond to a celebrity’s thoughts only underscores the SIC moniker that FS has unlovingly, but wisely, placed on him.
And, speaking of nicknames, here is a very unique factoid. Well, it’s larger than a factoid; it’s more like a factor. While researching this masterpiece of drivel, FS discovered that Jay-Z as an entertainer, or even as a person, has a veritable barge-load of nicknames bestowed upon him by, clearly, loving members of his family and friends. In a nutshell, Shawn Carter a/k/a Jay-Z, is or has been known as: Jiggaman (that takes me back), Joe Camel, Jiggy, Jazzy, Young Hov, Lucky Lefty, J-Hova, Hova, s-Dot, and my personal favorite, Iceberg Slim. That last one must be from back in the day, coz these days Jay looking more like Iceberg sinking. I kid, because I love, and because I can.
But, how about SIC and nicknames? Oh, no doubt there are quite a few that the world at-large calls this bloated old bag of fluff on the Potomac. Aside from the SIC moniker, FS is quite sure the Chief is known in some circles as far worse than ‘shmuck’. Ironically, SIC hangs more nicknames on folks than they on him. It has to be real challenging having to say, ‘Yes, Mr. President,’ when you really want to end the sentence with something much darker and meaner. On the other hand, there is no end to SIC’s use of belittling those who cross his sights. Indeed, he is renowned for it. And, since FS knows what’s coming next, he obliges and offers the following as some of the more common nicknames employed by SIC, because he can, and more importantly because he is a nasty prick. SIC’s doppelganger, Kim Jong-Un, is so creatively referred to as ‘Little Rocket Man.’ FS wonders if that makes SIC, ‘Tiny Rocket Man'? For Al-Waleed bin Talal, member of the Saudi Royal Family, SIC chose ‘Dopey Prince’, an allusion to SIC’s self-reflection as ‘Dopey’. Mental Illness – as you know it should – factors into several of SIC’s choices for those he is not quite so friendly with: ‘Crazy' Megyn Kelly, ‘Wacky’ Glen Beck, and ‘Crazy’ Jim Acosta are just some of the mundane monikers-of-mental that are in play. Something as creative as ‘Psycho’ Joe Scarborough is reserved for truly hated persons. Aside from mental health, SIC utilizes references to plain-old, negative health and personality characteristics. A whole bushel full of individuals is referred to as: ‘Low Energy’, ‘Sloppy’, ‘Big’, ‘Little’, and ‘Sleepy’. The other large category SIC uses for go-to slurs of a person’s character traits, or mental and physical health, are related to those with an anti-social bent. ‘Crooked’ and ‘Lyin’ are dual honors for Hillary, but she’s also ‘Heartless’ Hillary. ‘Leaky’ Jim Comey, ‘Sneaky’ Dianne Feinstein, and – of course – ‘Goofy’, ‘Pocahontas’, and ‘Wacky’ Elizabeth Warren (a real triple-threat) are some more gems, and the list goes and on-and-on, ad infinitum, ad nauseum.
Oh, that was too much fun. It literally is an endless task to keep up with a mind as fine as SIC’s. But, who the fuck else is going to take on the challenge? And, who has that much time? Folks, there are other, more noble things to do, to consider: there’s a fucking life to be lived. So, I am just going to grab my twitterer, and go to my closet and think…and tweet.
Freaky Father Shmuck.