Contact, Vol. VII

Humans’ relationship with their national anthem is intense. Our favorite comes from the people of Kokomo. That's real catchy.

For claiming to be the ‘happiest place on Earth’ Disney is one scary environment. A few

hours in there is like spending days lost in the vast wilderness. We assume it’s some

sort of cruel prison.

What do humans mean ‘you can’t hitchhike anymore’? What do you think Uber is?

The wizards in ‘Harry Potter’ can make water and food appear out of thin air, but there is still world drought and hunger because…

Humans who claim to be good at Crossword Puzzles are simply filling in random words that fit. We’ve been stuck on the same clue for 5 days! What the hell does ‘H.S. junior’s hurdle’- oh…it’s ‘prom’.

How is tripping skateboarders not a sport?

Humans say “it’s a long story, you don’t want to hear it.” But you unfortunately rarely say, “It’s a long story, I don’t feel like talking.”

Why do men whistle when they evacuate their bowels? You’d need a whole brass orchestra to cover that up.

So we want to get this straight. You take one night of the year to drink to the point of inebriation and literally watch a clock? You then get super excited when the calendar follows it’s natural progression and moves onto the next day. Talk about passing time.

Humans who believe global warming isn’t real because winter still exists should be removed from their homes and released from society.