EDITORIAL: Nazi Lives Matter
Travers Dickson (63) enjoying a Sunday Funday on his front porch in Charlottesville, Virginia.
It was a sunny Saturday August's mornin’ in Charlottesville, Virginia. The day had started off with underlyin’ electricity in the air. I had awakened earlier than normal to prepare for what I had thought to be a productive and victorious day. My beautiful wife, Darlene, had just gone to the nearest 7-11 for their freshly placed doughnuts to make her world famous breakfast: fried bacon doughnut hot dog dipped in Velveeta. I turned to her before she left and said “Darlene, my lil’ Big Mac” – that’s my cute pet name for her on account of the first day I met her she had just been celebratin’ her 10,000th Big Mac at the local McDonald’s – “Darlene, you’re gonna need extra blocks of Velveeta today, sugar bumps” – ‘sugar bumps’ is my other cute pet name for her on account of her love of snortin’ Pixie Sticks in the local McDonald’s restroom – “Darlene, the boys are comin’ over and gosh darnnit there’s gonna be a reckonin’ in this country. No one wants to reckon on an empty stomach.”
The boys did come over: Jackal, Duke, and Vernon. Duke, bein’ the youngest, had a twinkle in his eye. He was proud to defend our freedoms against the oppressive freaks that are trying to weaken our great nation. I wish my own boys – Cyril and Clyde - coulda been by my side that day, but they died years ago. I suppose they didn’t really die, but they gave me news that nearly broke my heart. I disowned them after I found out they were goin’ to college. They were spittin’ on their upbringin’ by turnin’ their backs on the opportunity to lube suspensions, or lube tractor gears, or lube butt welds. That’s the family business, see - Dickson's Lube: You Got ‘Em, We Lube ‘Em.
Darlene stuffed us better than she can stuff a pig. We were off to do some good ol’ protestin’, the American way. Not the way them liberal tree-huggers been protestin’. They got it all wrong. Marchin’ ain’t gonna do anythin’, but stormin’ will. The whole troop stormed good. Singin’ classic stormin’ songs like
“The darks on the bus move down and down, down and down”
“Go blame it on the Jews. Our wars were caused by them.”
Here we are, performin’ our basic, God-given rights as a God-fearin’ patriot, and here come them pussified liberals yellin’ at us. Can you believe it? They were hurtin’ our feelin’s, shoutin’ blasphemy and callin’ us the rudest things you ever did hear. It would make my little ham hock blush if she heard it – ‘ham hock’ is my other cute pet name for Darlene on account of her talent for shovin' a ham hock into her…well, I guess you don’t need to know that story.
We have freedom of speech. Y’all don’t get freedom of speech. We have the freedom to carry guns. Guns that we can use to protect ourselves from y’all takin’ our guns. If we wanna rape a woman for dressin’ like a whore, or rape a woman for dressin’ like a nun, or rape a woman for gettin’ an abortion, or rape a woman for not gettin’ an abortion, or rape a child, or marry a child, or kill a muslim, or kill a fag, or kill a kike, or kill a nigger, then gosh darn it that’s our patriotic duty. Y’all don’t get it: this is America. America IS Robert E. Lee. America IS the atomic bomb. America IS Joseph McCarthy. America IS Vietnam. America IS Burger King’s Mac ’n’ Cheetos. But somewhere we lost our way. We started lettin’ coloreds be in movies, and drink from our fountains, and piss in our urinals, and be President. We started lettin’ women read and write and vote and play sports, and one almost got to be President. We started lettin’ fags exist, and kiss each other in public, and marry. We need to make America great again. What Cyril and Clyde don’t get is those liberals who run our schools are makin’ them Un-American.
Hate comes from both sides. Y’all hatin’ on us for no reason. Just because we were born right? Just because we were born superior? It ain’t easy bein’ at the top of the food chain and that’s why a man like Donald J. Trump understands us. He won’t condemn what he knows to be the American way. It’s you who don’t get it. It’s you who don’t belong. So next time y’all want to run over our car, just remember, Nazis are people too. Darlene, Jackal, Duke, Vernon, and I won’t be oppressed any longer.
Concerned White Supremacist
- Greetings from a Rally