Podcast for Shmucks

So far, there have only been two times in my life when I’ve had contact with someone in person before going on a date with them. Meaning, we talked beforehand, recognized emotional and physical connection, and then proceeded to navigate the uncharted waters of “do we awkwardly kiss now or get the check?” Other than that, it’s been online dating or dating apps that have been the platform for long, stretched out – like sometimes pulling teeth – tedious small talk that might or might not, at the very least, lead to a blowjob.

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What I’ve noticed – for which I am in no way placing blame on this generation or day-and-age like some old man yelling at clouds – people can barely hold a conversation. This section is dedicated to actual exchanges taken place on OkCupid, Tinder, or Grindr; some are shorter than others, and I may not always know exactly how to answer – though my inner-voice can read between the lines – or construct a perfect dialogue, but you’re way worse.