Aliens are Shmucks Too

In 1977, Voyager 1 and Voyager 2 spacecraft carried a golden record embedded with proof of human life; a sampling of images and sounds that scientists believed best reflected the glories of humanity. Among the existential knick knacks are images of humans eating, human anatomy, and even human reproduction. Scientists thought it best not to include sounds of human reproduction or eating, thus not to gross out extraterrestrial life. Chuck Barry, however, was included.

Early yesterday morning, NASA finally received a reply. A series of encrypted messages was sent out from the most outer ring of Uranus. Scientists are all giddy, diligently trying to translate and probe the encryptions for meaning. Slowly, but surely, Uranus is dripping with the nectar of life.

The following are the messages Earth has received.

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